Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Of Ghosts and Internships

Saw a ghost again today. The first was several weeks ago when my ex boyfriend chose to appear out of thin air. The thinnest air, in fact. Today it was an old friend of mine, for lack of a better title. She was one of the key faces in the small group of friends I hung around in high school. A few years after graduation we made the collective decision to be friends more directly, as opposed to the peripheral friendship from before. This was fun, but short lived. We watched indie films about supporting local farms, which drove us to down bags of local snap peas. In an emotionally wrecked haze I did her the injustice of getting into a mutual rebound relationship with her recent ex: the man she'd shared her life with for several years. This parted us, and she renounced speaking with me. Even years down the road she ignored my apologetic messages and summons to forgive, forget, and catch up. She had deemed me unfit for friendship with her. It took me several years to subdue my pride-filled defensiveness and finally understand. Four years went by in silence between the two of us. Until today. Acne-covered and toting a bucket of bleach water, there I stood as she walked in. Perhaps she noticed me and feigned surprise, perhaps she didn't. But there she was, looking gorgeous, and there I was, the college graduate working at Subway. She'd caught me, caught me at what may have been my worst. I knew beyond a doubt that the next five minutes would be painful; politely stumbling through forced small talk and light catching up before an awkward send-off. But it wasn't. We talked a bit about ourselves, spoke civilly, both of us calm and friendly. As she left I told her I'd like to catch up with her more and that I'm glad she came in. She said she was glad as well. I hope she meant it.

On a completely unrelated note: I saw online that is hiring for an editorial internship. I have a snowball's chance in hell with this job, but I'm saying what the hell and applying anyway. This is my first attempt at embracing a new idea: that perhaps acting despite reservations is better than not acting due to them. We'll see how this goes...

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